Title: Red Roses
Rating: Ranges from PG to NC-17
Summary: Another overdone high school fic
There's will be two more chapters that have already been written (From a year ago) and then will come the new chapters. Just to warn everyone my writing style has changed (For the better, thankfully) so thenew chapters are written very differently (well, somewhat differently anyway.)
“FAG!” she sneers, shoving me off of her and standing up. She throws her clothes on, in what must be record time and glares at me before leaving my room, slamming my door behind her.
I walk into the school biting my lip. Matt hadn’t called me the night before. Not a good sign. He calls me every chance he gets. He loves to talk on the phone. He calls me even if he’s pissed at me. Just so he can yell at me over the phone in addition to yelling at me in person. There’s no doubt in my mind that Biscotti, or whatever her name is, told Nicole that I called his name out last night, and I have no doubt she told Matt. I don’t know what I expected to come of this, but I didn’t think Matt would just ignore me. He didn’t pick me up or call me before school either. Fuck. Why did I have to say his name? So, yeah. I know I’m gay now. This is just fucking great. I sigh and look down the hall towards the locker we share. No sign of him there either. I shove my hands into the pockets of my black dickies and stare at the ground as I make my way to the locker.
“Fag” I look up, my mouth forming an ‘O’ out of shock as I watch a guy and his girlfriend glare at me on their way to class. This is going to be a fun day. Opening the locker, I quickly shove the books I’m going to need into my backpack and slam it closed, making my way to my first class. I hope Matt’s there.. Maybe I can make something up.. Tell him it was a different Matt.. But.. He knows all my friends. He’ll know I’m lying. God. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I see him..
I can feel people staring at me as I enter the classroom. Why can’t they fuck off? Yeah. I’m gay, and yeah, I might have a little crush on my best-friend, but who cares? Does it really matter? Does who I fuck really have that big of an impact on their pathetic lives?
“Fucking Queer” A girl snarls, I look towards her, surprised to find it to be a girl I used to be fairly good friends with. I look around for Matt, my face dropping when I see him sitting by a group of jocks, a few rows over from where we usually sit. He looks over at me and the grin instantly drops from his face. My stomach turns at the sight of his expression. Cold. Uncaring. A look that had never been directed at me. Looking away, I stare at my beat up chucks and slide into my desk. The classroom fills up and the seats on either side of me stay open. Great. Not only have I lost my girlfriend, my best-friend and all my other friends, I now have the dreaded “fag disease” and can’t be near anyone. Oh how I love my life. The teacher begins the class and I sink into the thoughts that are coursing through my head. Letting them take over me. I never thought anything would be able to come between Matt and me, but, I guess I was wrong. This is clearly going to split us apart. This is going to break me away from everyone. No one wants to associate themselves with a queer. Lifting my head up, I sneak a glance at Matt. He’s stabbing at a piece of paper with a ball point pen. I guess he can feel me looking at him, ‘cause he looks up. He’s glaring at me. He’s fucking glaring at me. He hasn’t glared at anyone like that since some guy in 9th grade insulted his mom. I can feel a tear make it’s way un-expectantly down my cheek and I snap my head down, praying he didn’t see it. I don’t need another reason for people to jump on me. Being gay is enough. Crying will just add a cherry to the fucking “let’s make Jeremiah’s life suck” sundae.
I slowly pack my bag up when the bell rings, hoping everyone will leave quickly so I can make it to my next class on time without having to encounter anyone. No such luck. Of COURSE not. That would be a good thing, and well, those things apparently don’t happen in my life. Standing up I make my way out the door as fast as I can, ignoring the several “queer” and “fag” comments I get on my way out. I try to push away the lump of hurt that’s settled into my stomach as I see Matt laughing with one of the guys that just vocalized his hatred towards me.
My next class is pretty much the same as my first class was, only Matt isn’t there glaring at me.
“Hey Jere, I heard about what happened.. I’m sorry” A voice says from behind me when I exit the classroom. I turn around to look at the guy that just spoke to me, and smile when I recognize him as Drew’s old best-friend.
“Yeah.. Well.. What can ya do?”
“How did Matt handle it? Have you spoken to him?”
“No.. He’s kind of just been glaring at me a lot.”
“He has?” The kid raise his eyebrows, looking slightly confused. Why is that such a shock? Everyone in this damn school is homophobic. Why would Matt be any different?
“Yeah. He has.”
“Weird.. I wouldn’t have thought he would be homophobic.. I mean, he was really nice to Drew and stuff...”
Yeah. He was nice to DREW. But DREW wasn’t his best-friend and DREW didn’t want to date him. And why can’t I remember this kids name?? Bryan.. Myron.. Ryan... RYAN! That’s his name!
“Yeah, well, I guess it’s different now. So what have you been up to Ryan?”
“Nothing much, you know, just hanging out. I have to get to my next class, I’ll talk to you later though. Good luck!” I watch as he hurries down the hall and slowly make my way to the cafeteria.
“Jeremiah.” I jerk my head to the left when I hear Matt’s voice saying my name.
“Hey” I frown when I see that it isn’t Matt, it’s some dude I’ve never talked to before. Apparently I’m getting famous because of my sexuality. I guess I look nervous because he’s smiling at me now.
“Hey. Listen, I just wanted to say that if you ever, and I mean ever, look at me, or anyone I know. I will fucking castrate you. Understand?” His smile quickly turns into a sneer. I nod quickly and look down. I walk hurriedly past him and towards the back of the cafeteria. I look up at Matt as I pass the table I usually sit at, looking down again when I see him glaring at me, anger and hate in his eyes.
I eat as fast as I can at an empty table in the very back and leave the noisy room, going to my next classroom early, so I don’t have to encounter anyone.
My next class passes nearly identically to my first class. Me sitting by myself, and Matt glaring at me whenever he catches me looking his way. The bell rings and I rush out of the room and hurry over to the locker. I don’t think I can take anymore of Matt’s glaring. It’s breaking me. I can handle everyone else in the world hating me, as long as I have Matt. But without him, I can’t deal with it. Maybe I’m a wimp. Maybe I am just an over-emotional queer. But I need Matt to be able to deal with everything else. I heave a sigh and begin my walk home.
I don’t think I have ever felt this lonely. I’m sitting in my room, on my bed, with the door closed and just my nightlight on. Yeah. My nightlight. My Minnie Mouse nightlight, to be exact. Matt got it for me as a joke for my last birthday. I’ve been staring at the phone for the past hour or so. Hoping it’ll ring and Matt will be on the other end, telling me everything’s going to be okay.
But I know he won’t. And now I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. I’m going to call him. In the 7 or 8 years we’ve been friends, I have never called him. I dial the first 6 numbers without a problem. But that last number... I can’t press the button. I just.. I can’t. Okay Jere. You can do it... Just press.. The.. Button... I squinch my eyes closed as tight as I can and bite my lip, bringing the ringing phone to my ear after pressing the dreaded number. I can feel my heart beating frantically in my chest, and it feels like a bowl of maggots has just been released into my stomach.
I inhale sharply at the sound of Matts voice. God how I’ve missed it. “Hey..” I say slowly, releasing my lower lip.
“...Hi...” Matt says in monotone. Shit, I didn’t think talking to him could hurt this much...
“So” I laugh nervously “I finally called you...”
“Whatever. What do you want Jeremiah?”
Jeremiah? Fuck, he hasn’t called me that since... I can’t even really remember the last time.. Sometime freshman year when I made him really mad, I guess..
“I just wanted to talk to you” I say quietly, swallowing hard to avoid crying. God, I can be a real girl sometimes..
“Yeah. Well did it ever occur to you that maybe I don’t want to talk to you?”
“Yes.. I was just hoping that I wasn’t right.”
“Apparently you were. I don’t want to talk to you Jeremiah. Not now, not ever. Stick with your old habits and don’t call me.”
I bite my lip, listening to the dial tone in my ear. He hung up. I hang up the phone and curl up into a ball on my bed, letting my tears soothe me to sleep.